Acceptance for me
Acceptance of me
Acceptance I give myself
For my past me’s for my now me
Apart from those who list my sins
Aside from that point out my wrongs
Away from those that say they love me while telling me my wrongs
Apart from those who want me to live according to their perceptions
My sins have not been that bad
My mistakes are just regular human ones
My now me and past me deserve total acceptance
My acceptance unconditional, for all of who I was and am
I give this to myself
I can separate myself from the good opinion and the shaming from those that say they love me
I can accept myself just as I am, past and present, forgiving my own mistakes as I define them
I can takes risks, be different, be me, without fear of rejection or shame because :
I accept all of me
I am acceptable
I believe my mistakes are human and ok
I believe I deserve acceptance for all of who I am and will find others who think so too
If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner (Tallulah Bankhead)
The concept of “a life with no regrets” is a mindset I have tried to embrace. Self forgiveness is belief set I have tried to incorporate. But when my mistakes hurt someone else, how can I say that I don’t regret them. How can I say “I forgive myself even if you can’t forgive me”, when I truly hurt another human? Mistakes.
Mistakes are part of being human. Mistakes are complicated and messy. I have embraced the lifestyle of accepting mistakes, for without them how would I have gotten here now? Fall. Get up. Fall again. Get up again. Rinse and repeat. Until finally I get to the top… to that one success. Than I start over to aim for another. This is life.
Mistakes are part of life, and part of you. Part of me. They need love and celebration just as do our successes. If we can’t love our mistakes, how can we love our successes? If we can’t embrace the journey, how can we celebrate the result? More time is spent on the journey that on the “arriving”. More time is spent learning than the moments were it all comes together.
All I can tell others that blame me is that I am sorry. I am sorry but I also forgive myself. I refuse to carry guilt and shame for my mistakes were far less than my victories. Others can carry my mistakes but I need to let go for my own sake. That doesn’t mean I don’t care. It doesn’t mean I am not very truly sorry. There are some things I have done for which I am really truly deeply wholeheartedly sorry. But I do need to give myself permission to move on from them. To not live in my mistakes of the past.
Mistakes are messy and complicated. They need to be loved. I love myself, despite… because of my mistakes, even when others can’t. Hurt and pain are often the result of mistakes but it doesn’t mean good can’t come from them. And I can only hope at the end of the day my and at the end of my life, that my children… that someone…. anyone… will still find me loveable as a whole being, mistakes and all.
I have been thinking about anxiety lately. I have a friend that is originally from Jordon and her life was in jeopardy everyday. She tells stories that only sound like they are from a bad movie. Yet she tells me that she didn’t have anxiety, about what she lived through, and had panic attacks, until years after she moved to North America. she said anxiety, as we know it, isn’t much of a thing where she used to live. This is what triggered my recent thoughts on anxiety. Her approach is to deal with anxiety is to heal it, to get of her medication, and to face it head on. I look around my culture. A culture were we seem to have everything going for us. A culture where we are spoiled and our problems seem so silly compared to hers. And they are and yet they are not. While our life’s challenges are more “unseen”, we struggle too. I am not saying that a horrible breakup is as bad as taking your child and running for cover because you hear a plane in the distance. We all face hardship, we all face loss, we all feel pain. Some more traumatic than others. And awful crimes happen in our country too. Some cultures are more prone to displaying the everyday challenges with anxiety, while in many counties were issues are just absolutely horrid, anxiety is lower. Statistically Amish people have low anxiety but Mennonites have high anxiety. While it is in interesting topic to look into “why”, I am not going to delve into the various causes of displaying anxiety verses coping or displaying in other ways. I am just hear to observe. To comment.
Continue reading “Anxiety”
“In folklore, the five-second rule states that food (or sometimes cutlery) dropped on the ground will not be significantly contaminated with bacteria if it is picked up within five seconds of being dropped”, states Wikipedia. What if we transfer that to our lives?
When we have a hear or have a great idea, we pause… what happens in that pause? Those next thoughts will determine our course of action. It is in that pause that we decide to procrastinate or to act. Tell our selves excuses or do something. How many times have we had a thought and than told ourselves stories instead of acting. Stories of how busy we are or how we will look into that later. I heard someone say that humans tell themselves stories and sometimes they are true, sometimes really good, but they are just that… stories. There are those that do and those that do not (often making stories for why they are not doing the thing they said they would do). Thus, when I have a pause, I try to be honest with myself. I try to often decide in the moment, if I will act or not, because I tend to believe in the idea of the new 5 second rule (which is not a literal 5 seconds), not waiting which will allow for bacteria growth.
Bacteria growth can be any excuse or reasons. It can say that you need to do research and don’t have the time. That you need to do such and such first. That you will get around to it…. As mental bacteria grows, you can even convince yourself that this will be hard, and so you need more time to prepare. All before you even started to make a plan on how to do it!
Continue reading “The 5 Second Rule Rewritten”
Television is a very interesting invention. As the TV’s get bigger, and the production becomes more skilled at drawing the viewer in, television can take over our lives.
Why is it that some people refer to themselves as tv addicts, or admit that they can’t control themselves from watching “one more show” repeatedly, when they want to turn it off? According to The New York Times television viewing lowers brain activity, acting as somewhat of a sedative. However, the rapid firing screens also agitates the brain so that the viewer actually feels more relaxed after the television is turned off. According to Downtown Abby, the directors use various techniques to keep the viewer engaged and to keep their focus on the television, leaving you feeling unfulfilled with an untold story so you return for more. On top of screen angles, colors, rapid movements, intense emotion complied with music, there is also that cliffhanger that leaves you wanting more. Another reason why we may spend so much time watching other’s living their lives on television, rather than living our own, is because our brains are hard wired to respond strongly to sex and violence, and thus television uses these themes, often pouring negative messages that degrade the viewer, rather than uplifting them…. hooking us in with our own strong responses.
Continue reading “Peace with Less TV”
This blog is not about death, nor about the awful tragic events of war, or other severe tragedies that sometimes occur to humans. This is about letting go of childhood, letting go of the pain of a friend that hurt us and said something cruel. The pains we tend to keep reliving and letting interfere with our “now life”. There are so many ways to live in the past. And it makes sense right? I mean if we forget someone hurt us, and move on fresh, than they can hurt us again. Remembering pain makes sense. As they say: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. How can we remember our savvy, the past pains and the lessons we learned from it, while letting go of the painful grip it has on us?
It is important to define the difference between remembering and feeling past pain. We can remember the painful events without the emotionally charged reaction every time we think of it. To remember it mentally without reliving the pain
Although there are many techniques for this, there are 3 that I have found the most helpful. The first is through meditations of letting go. There are many to be found on podcasts and online. Guided meditations like this can be found in abundance and can help us remember but also feel peace as we do.
Continue reading “Letting go of pain”