If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner (Tallulah Bankhead)
The concept of “a life with no regrets” is a mindset I have tried to embrace. Self forgiveness is belief set I have tried to incorporate. But when my mistakes hurt someone else, how can I say that I don’t regret them. How can I say “I forgive myself even if you can’t forgive me”, when I truly hurt another human? Mistakes.
Mistakes are part of being human. Mistakes are complicated and messy. I have embraced the lifestyle of accepting mistakes, for without them how would I have gotten here now? Fall. Get up. Fall again. Get up again. Rinse and repeat. Until finally I get to the top… to that one success. Than I start over to aim for another. This is life.
Mistakes are part of life, and part of you. Part of me. They need love and celebration just as do our successes. If we can’t love our mistakes, how can we love our successes? If we can’t embrace the journey, how can we celebrate the result? More time is spent on the journey that on the “arriving”. More time is spent learning than the moments were it all comes together.
All I can tell others that blame me is that I am sorry. I am sorry but I also forgive myself. I refuse to carry guilt and shame for my mistakes were far less than my victories. Others can carry my mistakes but I need to let go for my own sake. That doesn’t mean I don’t care. It doesn’t mean I am not very truly sorry. There are some things I have done for which I am really truly deeply wholeheartedly sorry. But I do need to give myself permission to move on from them. To not live in my mistakes of the past.
Mistakes are messy and complicated. They need to be loved. I love myself, despite… because of my mistakes, even when others can’t. Hurt and pain are often the result of mistakes but it doesn’t mean good can’t come from them. And I can only hope at the end of the day my and at the end of my life, that my children… that someone…. anyone… will still find me loveable as a whole being, mistakes and all.